Home > Family, Russians > How I Met the Russian

How I Met the Russian

September 17, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

I was a dancer for much of my youth. Good enough that as a teenager I started charting a course toward Julliard and beyond to what I thought could be a professional career. Then two things happened:  Got tall. Got boobs.  That might have led to a promising career as a Vegas showgirl but I had Balanchine aspirations. Somewhere around 1983, I gave up the dancing dream.

Fifteen years later, I got it back.

It’s Manhattan. I’m single. Me and the girls are tired of flirting our way past velvet ropes into tediously hip clubs which for some reason in the mid-90s all have one-word names: Jet, Wax, Chaos.  One night Doris (the creative one) plans an evening of Latin dance lessons followed by dinner at Cuba de Asia. (It was a theme, see.)

We descend upon the dance studio in a silly, cosmo-fuelled gaggle. While my friends laugh and stumble their way around the mambo lesson, I feel something flutter to life inside me.

I am dancing. I haven’t set foot in a studio in two decades but here I am. There is a gazelle of a girl inside this 30-something body and she’s ready to move.

I go back for private lessons.  I casually mention that I’d appreciate a tall instructor. No problem, I am told. We have just the teacher for you.

I hand over the registration forms, am led to the dance floor and there he is.

The Russian.

It’s not exactly love at first sight, though he’s certainly easy on the eyes. It’s not the looks or the accent or the sexy baritone. What strikes me is his kindness. This is a sweet man. He will be gentle with me as I fumble my way around the dance floor.

In his hesitant English the Russian reads to me from a questionnaire: “What are your goals for these dance lessons?” Without blinking I respond that I want to learn to surrender to my partner, to follow a lead, to move with another person as one.  

I could have said – oh, I don’t know – lose weight, meet people, learn how to swing dance like that cool Gap commercial…but I go straight for the metaphorical stuff and I do it without hesitating.

He looks at me intently. “You are susceptible.”

I learn later he means sensitive. He is groping for the words to say he understands how dancing touches me. What he doesn’t realize yet is how deeply-felt my answer really is. I am 33 at the time, not over the hill but badly worn down by the Manhattan dating scene. I’ve been in serious relationships, co-habitated, longed for wedding proposals that never came. I have pretty much given up on finding The One. Until the Russian asks a simple question that unlocks the truth. I am ready to move as one with a partner, for real and for good.

The first time my mother sees us together she says, “You will marry this man.” It’s performance night at the studio and she says this after watching us dance a rhumba together.  I wear a flame-red dress, he is sleek in head-to-toe black. Mom tells me that together we give off light.

That was September 17, 1998. The day we became a couple. We were married exactly one year later. Somewhere along the way Mom introduced us to Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Me to the End of Love.”  She’s no longer with us, but this song — like her premonition all those years ago — stays with us like a gift and a reminder.

 Happy 10th anniversary, my darling.

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on wedding 1








Dance me very tenderly and dance me very longwedding 2









We’re both of us beneath our love, we’re both of us above

wedding 3










Dance me to the end of love.

wedding 4





Categories: Family, Russians Tags: , ,
  1. September 17, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    What a wonderful memory and you write it well, Stephanie. So fun to see the pictures, too. Awwwhh.. Happy Anniversary, lucky gal.

    • ssmirnov
      September 17, 2009 at 12:43 pm

      Thanks Andrea 🙂

  2. Max The Russian Daddy
    September 17, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    My one and only ONE!
    This the best and valuable present for me on this day!
    Happy Anniversary, my Dear!

  3. September 17, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Lovely story, Stephanie. The romantic in me is hoping that you still tell each other that..: “You are susceptible.”

    Thanks for sharing.


    • ssmirnov
      September 17, 2009 at 2:36 pm

      Thanks so much for commenting, Ann. I probably would do well to be a little more “susceptible” with this man from time to time 😉

  4. pauline
    September 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    wow! this post gave me chills. thanks for sharing.

  5. September 19, 2009 at 7:48 am

    This is absolutely beautiful. Very susceptively written!

    Here’s to a lifetime of dancing!

    • ssmirnov
      September 19, 2009 at 10:33 am

      Spaseeba Marinka 🙂

  6. September 19, 2009 at 8:00 am

    I loved this story.
    Happy anniversary!

  7. September 19, 2009 at 8:18 am

    This is gorgeous.

  8. September 25, 2009 at 3:50 pm


  9. September 28, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    LOVED reading that!

  10. sashahalima
    September 29, 2009 at 1:35 am

    That is absolutely beautifully written! What a story!!! I love dancing the way your described it and I felt like I was reading a reflection of myself.

    Such a beautiful story Stephanie!

    Happy 10th anniversary to you and “The Russian” 🙂

  11. September 29, 2009 at 8:23 am

    Such a beautiful romantic love story and it all began with a dance. In the dancing photos, you can just see the connection between you both. Great post!

  12. Lola LB
    October 7, 2009 at 6:18 am

    Awwwww . . . that is so sweet! Love that wedding picture. I got married in an Orthodox wedding ceremony, and many of my relatives commented that it was really beautiful.

  13. Saeed Tabrizi
    November 6, 2009 at 7:23 am

    Great , like me , but i’m in iran .
    I loved this story and this song (Dance me to the end of Love ).

    • ssmirnov
      November 7, 2009 at 8:35 am

      Thank you so much. I can’t say I’ve traded notes with someone from Iran on my blog before, thanks so much for reading and for commenting.

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